“This is about the guilt you feel when you don’t follow your dreams. When you’re a creative entrepreneur, and your life is not aligned with the vision you had as a child.”
Btw, this is not the typical anti-dream post you’re used to reading!
I know — this is not a topic you would expect to see on this site, but before you think I am telling you to quit your day dream and stick with a 9 to 5, I’m not.
This is about the guilt you feel when you don’t follow your dreams. When you’re a creative entrepreneur, and your life is not aligned with the vision you had as a child.
I’ve been ambitious since seven-years-old. As a teenager, when my friends wanted to party, I wanted to practice my craft, and figure out how make it lucrative.
I had this perfect vision of what my life would be at 18, 21, 25, 27 (I’m not even there yet), 30 and so on. While many girls imagined the type of dress they would wear to senior prom, the only thing I imagined were the accomplishments I would make, the awards I would have, and the lifestyle I would live.
I hit certain checkpoints set in my life; but the goals I set for those timelines, I wasn’t meeting fast enough. I took many detours, earned a few wounds, and took a few losses. As a child, I couldn’t possibly imagine how hard the journey would be.
No matter what strides I made, what success I saw, the lifestyle I created, the opportunities I received, I was ungrateful. I blamed myself for not fulfilling my dream the exact way I imagined it would happen.
I felt like a failure because I had to take a route that was not aligned with my original idea of how I would reach my ultimate goal. I felt like I owed the teenage version of myself to fight for a strategy that wasn’t working. A dream that wasn’t working. And when I found new ways to realize that dream / my goals, I fought myself on it. Even though my childhood was a decade ago, and the industry I navigated had completely changed in that 10 year timespan.
I was standing in my own way. It was foolish of me to be so hard on myself. To base my worth and value on an idea that was a decade old.
To be upset with myself for my passions expanding. To punish myself for my dream changing.
I know that part of the reason I was so hard on myself was due to a small patch of my life where I dealt with childhood bullying. I built strength and confidence through my passions. And giving that hurting girl everything she wanted, the exact way she wanted it, was my way of having that girl’s back. These were her dreams. And without them, she felt like a loser. It was my duty to make them happen. And when I felt like I was failing, I became terribly depressed.
What I didn’t realize at the time was that making my dream come true would never replace or erase that terrible chunk of my life. I had to forgive and let go of that chapter in my life so I could appreciate the parts of my dream that were coming true.
Like the fact that I am apart of the few elite group of creatives that have made a lucrative business out of their talent. Even if I haven’t met ALL my goals. And now I have a passion for helping others do it.
If you’re going through what I went through, just knowDon’t be afraid to create and realize new ones.
Start first with admitting to yourself why you feel guilty about switching paths. Let yourself know it’s okay to be who you are and desire what you want now. Forgive yourself, then reach for the stars and grasp whichever one holds your dream.